Final Kickball-ology

Heading into the final week of play, Red Ball Sciences is proud to announce the last session of Kickball-ology. This session also includes the likely scenario of the Last Chance Dance for the those teams who were not able to squeeze into The Makers' Dozen. Here are the teams that solidified their spots into this mini tournament.

Last Chance Dance

Locks


Violet Femmes, Hash House Harriers, After School Specials, Multiple Scorgasms, Mataconchas  


The first three will not be able to participate in this coming week's games since they have ended their season in the bottom of their respected divisions. Also worth mentioning is the fact that all four teams have a combined run differential of -178 and a combined record of 1-1-30.

This is how the the Last Chance Dance would look like if the playoffs would've started today.

Aside from Group A, the top four spots from each division have been decided. Though there is still room for teams within Group B and C to climb or fall in the seedings, the following are the teams who have clinched a right to The Makers Dozen.

Locks


Confused Kixxx


This team has not only clinched a spot, but has also earned a straight shot into the Eight to Hate.

Warriors, Drunken Monkeyz, Shockers, Pitches B Crazy, Balls & Dolls, New Kicks on the Block, The Runs

All these team can rest assure that they will be in among The Makers Dozen. However, no one has clinched their seeding, therefore even the final bye spot is up for grabs. The Warriors can clinch it with either a win or a tie this coming week. The Balls & Dolls could take advantage of a Warriors loss in combination with a blow out win of their own this coming week and snatch the #2 spot.

Group A 


The LTA and Tu Sabes will clinch if they can come up with a win. The scenario can complicate itself if these both lose and 1 More Shot and Billy Bad Asses win their respected games. This would create a four-way tie but with only three available spots. 1 More Shot would benefit from this scenario since it currently has an unreachable run differential.

At Large

Billy Bad Asses

This team should not be so confident going into the final week because a poor performance combined with a good bubble team win could very well send them into the Last Chance Dance.

Bubble Teams

Kick N Da Balls, Beavers + Dolls, Red Hot Cherry Poppers


These guys need to win and win big. Only then could they make a strong argument for an At Large bid. A mediocre performance will line them up with the bottom of the barrel in the Ugly People Party....


If the post-season started today, this is what it would look like....

From Red Ball Sciences,

Newton’s Flaw

KickBall-ology

Angry Umpires Corner has always been more about what I think and less about hard facts or statistics. So when I was approached about a new type of posting that was more scientific, I was a little hesitant. Eventually I realized the benefits of such a post and decided to roll the dice. So the Angry-one is pleased to present a brand new edition to this crazy blog....

KickBall-ology is an attempt to mimic the SCK Ranking System, which appears to have been inspired by the BCS, and provide an idea on how the play-offs would look like if the season were to end today. The system is based on numerical statistics and no ‘true strength’ of team type of judgment. Such variable has yet to be integrated or even considered. Doesn’t seem fair? If the KickBall Gods have blessed your team with any type of talent, chances are your team will be in The Makers’ Dozen. Prove yourself there, and you will join the league’s Eight to Hate. Let’s start off with the Locks (or teams who have clinched):

 Locks

Confused Kixxx, Warriors, Shockers, New Kicks on the Block, and the Balls & Dolls

The first three have undoubtedly earned their Lock position, however, the latter two have benefited from a weaker division.

The LTA and Pitches B Crazy can clinch by picking up one more win in the next two remaining games. The rest of the batch is close as well, but scenarios are a bit more complex.

At Large

This spot goes to the team that did not end up in the top four of their division but are certainly a team that has proven themselves worthy of being called upon The Makers’ Dozen. This week’s deserving At Large might fall from grace the next. Shit, if things go their way this week, they might just Lock.

One More Shot

Bubble Teams

These are teams that should not be too comfortable in their current seeding and are thus living in post-season limbo. Best thing for them to do is to win, or fall at the mercy of an At Large plea.

Billy Badasses, Tu Sabes, Drunken Monkeyz, Kick N’ Da Balls, I’d Hit It, The Runs

Arithmetically Alive

These are teams who currently sit in the Last Chance Play-in Tournament, but still have a small glimmer of hope of making the Makers’ Dozen if they win the next two, and the Kickball Gods smile upon them. Long shots for sure, but at least they still have a shot.

Beavers + Balls, Red Hot Cherry Poppers

Key Match-Ups

Billy Badasses vs Tu Sabes

Unless MSG can upset One More Shot, the loser of this bout will be a step closer to having its bubble popped.

Pitches B Crazy vs Drunken Monkeyz

A must win for the Monkeyz. My only question is, can the Pitches continue their impressive run?
 
Here's what the chase for the crown would look like if it started today...

From Red Ball Sciences, 

Newton’s Flaw

Clash of the Titans

Monkeyz vs Warriors

Champions thrive under pressure and everyone else breaks like a twig. The game between the Warriors and Drunken Monkeys was so intense that I could swear Rich had pit stains! I knew coming in that this game would be an instant classic, I was not disappointed to say the least. Wednesdays Clash of the Titans left many fans, including yours truly, in awe! On this hot muggy night I witnessed some the finest teams SCK has to offer. It was truly a sight to behold. There was excitement, drama and even some comedy.
Everyone loves some excitement so ill start there. This back and forth battle was truly epic. The Warriors quickly jumped out to an early 1-0 lead, that was quickly answered by the Drunken Monkeyz as they went up 2-1 for most of the game. I was really impressed how the Warriors kept their cool though. They didn't panic and acted like they had been there before. It didn't matter how many base runners the opposing team had, they were like a wall all night. And when it really mattered they rose to the occasion and played even better. When everything was said and done, the Warriors dropped the champs like the Warriors were the reigning champions, 4-3.
Nobody likes a drama queen, but Rich was in rare form that night! The self proclaimed X-factor kept pouting all during the game till finally he showed a sign of weakness. He started to wine like a little girl that had just lost her favorite jump rope. All night he tried extremely hard to keep his composure while his team fell apart around him, but like a rookie he eventually folded. I really don't blame the guy, his team really let him down. Their defense brought back disturbing memories of LTA from seasons past. Like true contenders the Warriors took advantage of every single miscue by the Monkeyz. They kept pressing and pressuring the defending champs till  they finally burst at the seems! Either way the Warriors are no joke and a true contender for the crown. If it wasn't for their mouths I would jump on the Warriors band wagon, but they are very good and they know it. I over heard one of their players say,"We don't lose to anyone and I'll put that on paper!" WTF!! You serious?? I hope and pray that these clowns go down hard! The only question is....Is any one up to the task??
And now for my favorite part, the comedy. Their entire team kept dropping the kickball like the balls were hot. Becky, the Monkeyz 1st base woman, kept running around the field like a chicken with its head cut off. This chick couldn't tell if she was coming or going. She looked like she was high from all those Scentsys she keeps peddling to everyone. But by far my favorite act had to be Mr Left Fielder. This dude can take his act on the road and make a killing! I don't know if the sun was in his face, they played at 9pm, or maybe he had pink eye, but this guy looked like he was juggling out there! What is up with that?? I've seen him play a few times and Mr LF is usually solid, but on this night he might have been better of staying at home. Overall, the Monkeyz defense looked more like a circus than the punishing D that I was accustomed to from last season.
Overall this game was very entertaining. It had its high points as well as some very low points, but all in all I'm glad I got to witness this thriller! Maybe next time the champs can get their shit together and take down the cocky ass Warriors and beat them like I do my "monkey"!
STRIKE 3 IM OUT

This is what I think, I think....

I never claimed to be a leading authority in Kick N Da Balls, but I thought I'd take One More Shot and predicting this weeks games. I wouldn't be Shocked if I bombed again and got only 1 of the games right. Hopefully I can predict The Runs correctly to one of the games. That would be Totally Awesome! Maybe like some of these Wednesdays Warriors, I'll finally Hit It out of the park....

The BIG BAD teams at Jimmy O
Tu Sabes-3
One More Shot-6

Multiple Scoregasms-7
After School Specials-2

Los Totally Awesomes-5
Billy Badasses-2

Modesto 2
Hash House Harriers-1
Shockers-9

Kick N' Da Balls-3
Pitches B Crazy-6

Drunken Monkeyz-2
Warriors-4

Modesto 1
The Runs-5
I'd Hit It-3

Red Hot Cherry Poppers -6
Beavers + Balls-1

Violet Femmes-0
Balls & Doll-5

Is Sun City Kickball Fair??

Writing a blog is hard work. But writing a kickball blog is even tougher. Coming up with new fresh ideas on weekly basis is like pitching and kicking at the same time. I usually rely on the games that I head umpire for most of my content, but who in their right minds wants to read a blog about the overrated New Kicks on the Block and the Joke of a team AKA the Violet Femmes?? I sure as hell don't and that's why I won't waste the few brain cells that I still have on that garbage of a game. Instead I want to take look at Sun City Kickball as a league.
The Commish and the all mighty “board” have worked hard together in an effort to create a kickball utopia. They have put in countless hours organizing and promoting Sun City Kickball. After all their hard work, I would have to say that all they have accomplished to built is an average league. Don’t get me wrong. I love everything about SCK except the teams. SCK is like a bosomy chick, it is way to top heavy. The fun clubs or non competitive teams make up over 75% of the current teams. That means that for this season only about 5 maybe 6 squads will have a legitimate shot at the crown. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I see that as unacceptable! There is just no way to get up for the bottom dwellers on a week to week basis. Last week my Shockers played the Warriors and even though we lost, I had a blast. The game was intense and that is feeling that I just don’t get when we play the sucky teams. SCK should really look into a more balanced system that rewards competition. I know that the SCK has no control over who joins their association, but pounding the weak teams is not the solution either.
I think the wins should be weighed accordingly. For example, if you beat the super group, Confused Kixx, you should be rewarded in some way. Maybe with some extra power ranking points or with an extra ½ win, because there is no way that beating the Scoregasms should count as much as beating a quality opponent! A new system is the only fair thing to do. While some teams like New Kicks and Balls & Dolls get fat whooping on all the scrubs, teams like The Monkeys and Warriors have to deal with far superior opponents. A change must take place soon, in order the crate the perfect kickball society. If it only were so simple....I guess I can only dream!!

CRAZY ASS WEEK 4

I usually try and stay away from predictions; I leave those up to Mr. Happy Go Lucky over at ITSJUSTKICKBALL. But this week has 3 contests that really caught my eye!
Confused Kixx VS Tu Sabes
We all know about the big bad Power Rangers and their super team! As expected they’ve crushed all the inferior opponents, but they did seem to struggle against One More Shot before pulling away late. Was that game an aberration or will they struggle again when they go up against quality competition?? I’ve been dying to find out and lucky for me Tu Sabes seems up to the challenge! Can they pull the upset?? Hell no! These are The Power Rangers we’re talking about. But it should be allot of fun. Who ever UMPS this game will have a dandy on their hands.
Confused Kixx-7 Tu Sabes 4

KNDBLS VS Drunken Monkeys
One of these teams is a pretender and this is the type of game that will expose them as frauds. The KNDBLS crew is coming off a lack luster effort against the Shockers. That or the Shockers are the Monsters that Rich wants to portray them as. Either way they are going to have to play a lot better to hang with the defending chumps….I mean champs! As for the Monkeys, some peeps might want to say they’re back after scoring runs in bunches against the Mataconchas. But come on people, Evil Aldo could score against this second…no wait third rate team like they were a 2 dollar hooker! So blowing out a below average team gets you no brownie points on this blog. With all that being said, I think the Crew will finally stick a fork in the defending champs because they are done!!
KNDBLS- 6 Drunken Monkeys-5

GAME OF THE WEEK

Shockers VS Warriors
Now this game right here, might be the best of the bunch. The Shockers are flying high after a 3-0 start and seem to be in cruise control. The Warriors on the other hand have to be the rustiest team in SCK. They played Pitches Be Crazy, a rookie team, the first week of the season and barely squeaked by. Then they had a bye, followed by what probably seemed like another bye week after the gutless HHH decided to pull a no show. So that’s 1 game in three weeks. Will it even matter once game time comes around…probably not, but one thing that’s for sure is that this has to be the game of the week!! Everyone should check it out; they play at 9 at Modesto 2.
Shockers-7 Warriors-3

DISGRACEFUL!

Unfortunately for me I had no game to umpire this week. I was really looking forward to gauging for myself where the Hash House Harriers rank among the kickball upper echelon. What I didn’t count on was the HHH punking out like a four eyed geek getting his lunch money stolen! They have to be the sorriest team this side of the Thursday night league. How heartless do you have to be to only send a representative to cancel your game? Not only that, but at least give a good excuse. Just in case you haven’t heard, these cowards were at Coconuts drinking and when they found out they were going to be short on players they decided to stay put and get shit faced!! I just think they were short on guts and not players. If I was the Warriors coach I would be furious!! Who pulls that kinda crap?? How many of us have been short on occasion, but still showed up to the park hoping to get enough players to get the game started. The HHH are same people that were clamoring for respect after their stupid tie against the Monkeys. Seriously?? I wonder how the Monkeys feel about that tie now, because if you ask me the HHH are the biggest joke to ever come out of Sun City Kickball! The commish should seriously consider banning them or at least suspending them for a game, because all their actions have proven is that they are nobody to be recon with and they are a total and utter laughing stock. At least we all know now why they wear skirts, huh……because they all have no sack!

The Fall of the MACHINE

After the first two of weeks of play two things have become crystal clear, there are only three to four teams that have a legitimate shot at winning the whole thing and the other is the fact that the Monkeys are DONE! I have to admit that I was their #1 fan and couldn't wait to jump on the band wagon, but there is no way in hell they will come close to recapturing the magic that they played with for most of last season. How in the world do the defending champions manage to tie the likes of the El Paso Hash House Harriers. That's like losing your wedding album in a bar bet. It just shouldn't happen! The Harriers are a decent team, but when your coming off a championship you have to blow the doors off a team like that. The most embarrassing thing is that they needed to score a run in the last inning just to manage their lowly tie. PATHETIC!! I know they are missing a key member from last seasons version and that Reed is playing with some bad sticks and that is exactly why they won't come close to sniffing any hardware this season. At full strength the Monkeys might sport the best one two punch in the league, but with their weak females dragging them down there is no way they can keep up with the power house teams in the league. Version 2.0 has a glaring weakness and that is their female supporting cast. When they were at full strength they overcame this deficit with superb speed coming from Reed, David and the little Mexican guy that plays center field.(sorry guy, I don't know your name) But with their females unable to pick up the slack, I would be extremely surprised if they found them selves in the playoffs! After reaching the top of SCK they only have one place to go and that's down!! I guess the bigger they are the harder they fall and in my opinion no team was bigger or better than the Drunken Monkeys, formerly known as the Machine, were last season!! STRIKE 3 IM OUT

All the wrong Moves

Most leaders are born natural leaders and others are just meant to follow. Some coaches have wicked X's and O's, while others inspire you to run thru a wall for them. You either got it or you don't! And in the case of the Balls and Dolls and Id Hit It coaches, I'm sorry to say that they fall into the latter category. Don't get me wrong, both of these cats are cool dudes, but I wouldn't follow them in a line! Dudes just have no business leading a team.

Let me start with my soon to be ex buddy Varo. He has no business leading a potential contender. The newly appointed coach looks like a deer in head lights most of the time and the rest of the time he looks like he just smoked some dope ass weed. I'm not sure if that's his easy going nature, but the B&D's were better off with Oscar at the helm. Sorry Varo, I hope u don't read this but if you do.....dude, show some fucken emotion!! Get you shit together and act like your paying attention. I hope Varo doesn't take this as a personal attack. I just don't feel that he has what it takes to help his team take that next step.

Ahhh, Lucas!! Where do I start with Lucas? (AKA the Id Hit It coach) Again I'll start with the fact that he is a great guy. He's funny as hell and he could probably party and have a blast with someone that spoke no English. All those are great traits for a drinking buddy, but do you want those same qualities leading you team?? Hell no! His in-ability to take his teams games seriously will keep Id Hit It's status as also rans. Mr. Personality needs to shut his mouth and lead by example! He has a good team behind him, but when you lead the way he does, all you manage to do is chase your own tail.

I had the pleasure of watching these two pre-season favorites dook it out and all I was treated to was a sloppy, lackluster game. Do these two teams really want to wear the crown because their un-inspired play left me bored and feeling empty. I really expected to see a great game between these two SCK titans, but until these two men get their acts together they will leave their fans and competitors looking for the nearest exit!

Predictions

Has everyone had a chance to check out the divisions that were posted on SUNCITYKICKBALL.com?? I have to admit that I like what I see. I think all the divisions are well balanced and will be extremely competitive. Group A is headlined by team Voltron aka Confused Kixx, but group A is full of veteran teams that should make things very interesting down there at Jimmy O. Group B features the defending champs THE MACHINE. aka The Drunken Monkeys. I guess the board didn't want to make things easy for them because they stuck them with the Shockers. And don't forget my sleeper pick, Warrior Experience, they will make things interesting that's for damn sure. As for Group C, Ball & Dolls will be battling mostly in-experienced teams. Id Hit It looks like the only real challenge, but who knows, maybe the Femmes are ready to take the next step into the kickball elite. Here is how I think they will all finish:

GROUP A
1. Confused Kixx
2. 1 More Shot
3. LTA
4. Scoregasms
5. Billy Bad Asses
6. Tu Sabes
7. After School Specials

GROUP B
1. THE MACHINE
2. Shockers
3. Warriors Experience
4. Hash House Harriers
5. KNDBLS
6. Pitches B Crazy
7. Matachonchas

GROUP C
1. Balls & Dolls
2. Violet Femmes
3. Id Hit It
4. The Runs
5. Beavers & Balls
6. New Kicks on the Block
7. Red Hot Cherry Poppers

Who's #1?

With the new season almost upon it's almost time to crown a new SCK King of kickball. The summer season also brings us a huge question that needs to be answered. WHO IS NUMBER 1 UP IN THIS MOTHER??? Well, if you read the politically correct blog ITSJUSTKICKBALL, you might be led to believe that Confused kixx is the top dog! WTF?? Is what I say!! What did they do to deserve such an honor?? From what I can see all they did was assemble a bunch of speed. I've had the honor to not only play them but also watch a couple of their games during the preseason. And let me just say, I AM NOT IMPRESSED! For a team that I billed as unbeatable, they sure seemed pedestrian from what I've witnessed first hand. I just can't give the number one spot to a team that has accomplished nothing.
So that brings me to my beloved SHOCKERS. As much as I would love to crown us the best of the best, I'm going to have to take a pass on that one. The SHOCKERS have way to much turn over to be a serious contender right off the bat. Maybe by the end of the season they'll be running like a well oiled "machine", but until then the once mighty team just might be a thing of the past.
Which brings me the real MACHINE. The Drunken Monkeys are the champs and until proven other wise, they deserve to be #1! I guess Rich realizes that last season was a fluke or he just doesn't have the sack to scream from the mountain tops, "WE'RE #1 BITCHES AND WHAT!!" Seriously, if anyone looked like world beaters it was the Machine! Last years team was disgusting and they did it all with 8 players. I did hear that they've bolstered their roster to 10, which I think is a mistake, but to be the champ you gots to beat the champ! Which by the way they did, when they beat the SHOCKERS like a red headed step child to knock them out of the playoffs. So even though their biggest cheer leader lacks the testicular fortitude to proclaim them #1, I will! The Monkeys are my preseason pick to be the last team kicking!
And before I end this blog I want to apologize to the rest of SCK! I know the league consist of 21 teams, but you all don't stand a chance. Thanks for coming to the party. Sorry Balls and Dolls, perdon to LTA! Id Hit It, Scoregasms and Billy bad Asses you aint got to go home, but you got to get the F out of here! Strike 3 I'm Out

GO GO POWER RANGERS

With the new Sun City Kickball season almost upon us there are tons of intriguing subjects that demand my attention. I could talk about the league possibly blowing up to 26 teams or maybe the board's miss guided decision to hold some games on Fridays. (Seriously who wants to play on Fridays??) But there is one topic that has had my juices flowing since I first heard about it!! I was Shocked when I heard the news of team Power Rangers. Who is team Power Rangers you ask?? Team Rangers is none other than the miss guided souls from EPK. Zordon AKA "Mr Vincent Trujillo" has assembled the best and brightest kickballers from some of the best clubs that the B league has to offer. I could not believe my ears.

Why? That's the only question that ran thru my mind when I first heard the news. Where they not good enough as individual pieces? Where they short on players?? Or are they just desperate enough to win an SCK championship that they would stoop to the lowest of lows??? When I asked Zordon he said, "straight up... played the querque tourney and had a blast!!!!!! i had a hard time getting my players to register for season so we just decided to play season together... i have nothng to prove to anybody!" HMMMMM Can anyone say bull shit! I dont care what anyone has to say, there is no way in hell Scared Hitless, Where My Pitches at and some of the kidos from Kick N Da balls would combine their respective teams with out an alterior motive. They want to be number one! And after going thru an SCK season, that was a little harded they probably thought it would be. I guess their teams could not hack it last season on their own, so they decided to combine their ZORDS to make one awesome, unbeatable team. Yes, I think its going to be extremly difficult to beat the Power Rangers. I hope their happy. They have most likely bought themselves an SCK championship. But from some of the peeps that I've spoken too, all they managed to do was place a big ass target on their backs! With the season less than a month away, we'll soon find out if the SCK cream of the crop has what it takes to take down the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. Strike 3 Im out

Will the Real Champs of El Paso Kickball Please Stand UP!

What started as a wet and gloomy day quickly turned into a glorious day of kickball for the SCK title! The tourney to crown the new King of kickball quickly turned sour though as a battle of US vs. THEM broke out of no where. All eyes were suddenly glued to the epic battle between EPK and SCK, I mean Where My Pitches At and The Machine formerly known as the Drunken Monkeys. How did this magnificent day turn into EPK vs. SCK you ask? Well, it all started when the game between the Pitches and Hitless concluded. For some stupid reason that I cannot comprehend, the brains behind those two teams decide it would be a great idea if they broke in the middle of the field to "1,2,3....EPK!" I wont even mention what was said of my Shockers. It seemed they were out to make a point. Bad idea morons! Not only was this a horribly stupid idea, but it helped fuel the REAL King of Kickball to the take the SHIP in what turned out be a classic game. I know the Monkeys are to classy to admit it, but I know that deep down inside they wanted to make sure that there was no way in hell that they'd let any one else walk off that field with the title. The crown was going to be theirs to wear every one else be damned. And I know the politically correct peeps at SCK will never admit that it was a battle of league vs. league, but we all know better and on this day we all know who was the better organization. So now that we know that SCK is superior to EPK in every way, shape or form, I want to give a great big shout to the MACHINE. Way to FUCKEN go!!

Predictions Please!?

What is up all you trash talkers out there! Now that I have given you my pick to win it all, I'm extremely curious who some of you think might win the whole thing. And please be serious! Don't come in here with LTA, when we all know they suck and have a better shot at winning the LOTO than they do at winning a kickball game!! So please let me know whats on your mind, even if it sense-less smack. :)

Welcone All

Finally, I can write about whatever and say whatever I want with out the worry that "NAZI" Rich is going to censor my ass! Let me start by saying that this blog is not for the weak at heart. So if your easily offended then leave and exit know. I really wanted to make a prediction during my playoff preview, but of course mother Teresa over there said I had to be objective. Screw that!

I really wish I could sit here and tell all you haters out there that my mighty Shockers were going to win it all, but I can't. My team is full of no shows and I do not see that changing any time soon. With that said, the only way we'll repeat is if hell freezes over or if pink pigs grace our skies. No, the Shocker era is over.

There are a couple of teams that do peak my curiosity though. I really like what Scared Hitless brings to the table. They've got speed all around the field, they have the best chicks in SCK playing for them and they bring tons of experience. My only concern is their pitcher. This dude is such a hot head that it makes me wonder how someone on his own team hasn't kick his ass already. This dude is not all there! And its only a matter of time before he cost them a game.

The only other team I really like is the FREAKIN' MACHINE formerly know as the Drunken Monkeys. It's not because the commish plays on this team, but because they have that it factor!

They got a swagger to them. Even though Rich might lead you to believe that he's a humble dude, do not believe a word he says. This Mo Fo can shit with the best of them and confidence is one thing they do not lack. I can only hope that over confidence brings them down, that would definitely make my season.

With all that said, my pick to win it all is the.......Balls & Dolls. Yes the B&Ds will finally reach the pinnacle of SCK. They are the most balanced team out there, even though this side of Nadia, they really don't have a girl that scares you. As for the rest of the teams, thanks for coming your better of working this Saturday. You all don't have a chance and your wasting your time. This is what I think, I think!